Six years ago my husband told me he was in love with another woman.
This was the start of journey into hell that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
The pain and the shame were so deep, it’s taken me 6 years to even write about it openly.
I imploded internally but externally kept a brave front not letting anyone know what was really going on. It took nearly a year to tell my parents and close family. I went home for Christmas but couldn’t find the courage to tell them. A nephew and his girlfriend came skiing for a weekend and I pretended we were still living together.
What helped me heal and what would I do differently?
In the beginning what helped the most was pure emotional release of my anger.
I remember standing in my pajamas under the other woman’s bedroom window at midnight in the howling snow screaming at her, threatening to kill her and smashing a flower pot on her front door step instead.
I wouldn’t recommend this behavior to anyone. I was lucky she lived in the country I might have got locked up. Still it was like lancing the boil. It halted the inner implosion that was going on.
Intellectually what helped me the most was life purpose hand analysis, seeing what was happening from the perspective of the blue print in my fingerprints, combined with “the work” – Byron Katie’s 4 questions:
Is the thought true?
How does it make you feel?
How would you feel without the thought?
Where’s the mirror? How can you turn this round?
This simple four step process helped me see that my husband was simply being a faithful mirror of my own self betrayal.
Looking through the lens of hand analysis, particularly knowing our fingerprint patterns, I could see the broader picture, the spiritual collaboration going on.
I wish I’d had Richard Moss’s Mandala of being to help me take this one step further. This is a process of coming down out of your head and into your body, to stay present with feelings, instead of creating more pain with one’s thoughts.
If this were today, what would I do differently?
I would allow myself to be more vulnerable and cry on my mother or sister’s shoulder.
Also, it took me two years to give myself the “luxury” of therapy. I would recommend seeing a therapist right away.
The path out?
Hand analysis is the starting point and an invaluable map, but you need more than a map. You also need friends, guides, encouragement and the right gear.
This is a journey with many stepping stones.
If you would like insight from your hands to help you see the circumstances of your life from a fresh perspective, contact me for a short online consultation. or in person in Switzerland.
A related story about this from my own life:
Are you wearing storm-tinted glasses?