Usually I’m pretty hopeless at reaching out and asking for help. Most of us are. We feel weak reaching out but actually the opposite is true. The other day I heard Brendon Burchard say that he has made it a daily practice to asking one other person for help every day. Why? It keeps him feeling humble and connected! What a beautiful idea. It reminds me of Brene Brown who says, “Vulnerability is a most accurate measurement of courage. It is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness but it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”
Receiving is also giving. It is a way to help others feel valuable and appreciated. Vulnerability is the glue that holds people, couples, societies and even nations together. We fear revealing our of soft underbelly but this is what makes us loveable.
Or as they say in Africa, “Ubuntu”. I am because you are. You are because I am.
I like to think of it like this: we switch our own light off a moment so that others can shine.
Some personality strengths may get in the way of your asking for help.
If you have the following positive characteristics in your hands reaching out may not be one of your strongest suites.
Here are some examples:
Earth hand = sturdy and self reliant.
Clint heart line = reserved communication style + “I need my freedom”
Big Mars zone or Mars stars or Mars lines = a warrior type. Lots of courage and stamina. Fighting for the weak.
A strong stiff thumb that sticks out at right angles from your hand = I’ll do it myself.
Lots of whorls = I’m here to help, not be helped.
(Scroll down to see an example of each of these examples.)
Think of reaching out as just one more muscle (a soft tender muscle deep inside) that needs strengthening too.
Here is what I’m going to do.
Make a wish list of all the things I need help with and post it somewhere visible.
Make it a daily habit. Each day I will reach out and ask for help from at least one other person.
Yiiii…did I say that?
What’s your action plan? Share it below if you dare.
Here are some images of the hand characteristics I mentioned that might indicate you feel too strong to ask for help.
If one or more applies to you, scroll back up to the middle of the post to remind yourself what strength
might be getting in your way. 🙂
What’s your action plan to ask for help? Share it below if you dare.
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5 thoughts on “Are you too strong to ask for help?”
I have a Mars Star and a Stamina line (second life line ) I have been known to tough it out by myself under circumstances that would literally kill others. But I have never thought of myself as strong, though others often tell me I am. I have fought for the underdog, often find myself in the midst of groups of homeless people of young disempowered people, championing their causes. But when I need help I have two people that I call on, that’s it. I don’t ask for help from those I help. Instead I withdraw into seclusion and do what I do best. Endure! People don’t hear from me except when I’m on top of things, and assume I’m okay. But I’m not.
Very hard for me ask for help…or for business!
Until I read this post it never occurred to me that I could use my courage on my own behalf to do more than withstand attack or fight for others. I can reach out for help for myself! Not as a victim, but as a victor with a brave heart. Thanks Jena.
Your writing is so very true and recognizable for both my clients and me! Just “knowing this” is not enough…but doing the work to make the changes is the crucial step. I have several clients and family members clearly in the school of Service with many whorls. Their lesson is in receiving and asking for help…unfortunately, they had to get health problems, including cancer before they saw the urgency of asking and receiving. I like your tip Jena Griffiths to do one request each day to give us practice. As a new Grandma I’m observing we come in with that requirement of vulnerability…forced to be helped…and yet as we age we are conditioned out of it with an expectancy and encouragement to be independent. It’s TIME to ask “How true is that teaching?” Learning from the markings in our hands is such a great tool! Thanks Jena!
Thanks for your comment Kathy. Agreed, knowing it isn’t enough. But it is the first step. Like a cyclist, we see the rock in the road but we don’t focus on it. We look beyond to where we want to get to. Doing the work means radical self compassion. Or as Byron Katie says “Loving what is.” I’ll be interviewing her about this in 2 weeks. More about this call here.
Thanks Sherlora for connecting the dots – for other people too.
Yes, the the victor with a brave heart!
Very nice writing and intelligent article.